I used to worry that I was too accommodating. I feared that others were taking advantage of my good nature and I wasn’t standing up for my rights. In January of 1998, I wrote this in my notebook:
The whole issue about what is better — turning the other cheek VS defending your “rights” — centers around what is motivating the turning or the defending. If I turn because I’m afraid to defend, that is a weakness. If I turn because I’m willing to forgive, that is a strength.
The motivation relates to the resulting view that others have of me. If I turn because I’m afraid, I will be seen as a coward. If I defend because I feel unduly threatened, I will also be seen as a coward. If I turn because my adversary is simply acting out of fear or is lashing out because they hurt inside, then I will be seen as having courage.
If the net result is truth and peace, my actions come from strength. If the net result is pain for one and hollow victory for the other, my actions come from weakness.
In my experience, people rarely hurt others because they enjoy causing pain. I’ve often found that responding to anger or aggression with kindness is the best way to go.
