“Sometimes you just have to do things that you don’t want to do.”
That was my Dad’s answer to my inevitable resistance to doing chores, or homework, or whatever I was supposed to be doing as a kid. I guess it was better than “because I said so,” but the idea has always bugged me. Why should I have to do something that I don’t want to do (unless I’m being forced at gunpoint or thrown into jail because I’ve committed a crime)?
The answer is that you don’t. You have free will and can choose to do or not do something as long as you’re willing to accept the consequences. Even in the gunpoint and jail examples, you can choose not to cooperate as long as you’re willing to get shot.
I think the key is understanding the difference between wanting and enjoying.
It’s possible to want something, but not enjoy the process of getting it. A classic example is going every day to a job. I may not enjoy going to work every day, but I want the money that I’ll earn.
We express that mix of desires as “I have to.”
My boyhood self didn’t understand why I wanted to get my chores done (to get my Dad off my back), but it would have helped if I had taken time to think about it. Finding the “want” in something you have to do helps you let go of resentment about it.
Still, sometimes you have to do things you don’t enjoy to get what you want.
